Should've known better.

It's funny that I have to learn just how horrible some of my friends are when I'm already gone. I can't say I'm surprised, just disappointed. But I've moved on. I don't have to stew in my own discontent and hate the person I am. I'm living out my dreams.
Even this ocean between us couldn't keep me far enough away from you.
On the other hand, I've also learned just how great some of my other friends are.

Moving on...
The chocolate here is good.
The weed here is good.
The beer here is good.
The men...not so bad either.
Good news being that I FINALLY made some girl friends today! :)

England, St. Martin, Poland, Canada, France, China, Thailand, Germany, Austria, Moldova, Czech Republic, Serbia, South Africa, Singapore, Australia...
I have met people from all these places in the past week.
I'm broadening my horizons!!

GASH tional Geographic

Lesson learned. I got far, FAR too drunk last night. Although much fun was had, I'm going to have to lay off for a few days.
BUT, today I moved into my housing! Here are some pictures. Sorry for the lack of exciting pictures....they will come with time.

This is the strange bedding that I was given. It's made to look like a cardboard box. Why? Because the profits go to the homeless so they don't have to sleep on cardboard. Kind of backwards, huh?





My tiny little kitchen! Mini fridge, cook top, microwave, sink, and that's it! I need to go buy some pots and pans.

AMSTERDAM

I have arrived. I can't really remember why I was ever crying before I left. This is place amazing.
My hostel is situated in the Red Light District, and my room has a monk/saint theme? I love it!

Here are some pictures of my tiny room and view out of the window.


La Vie en Proost Lapdance. for real.

There is a monk robe glued to the side of the closet...

I was pressed against the door to take this picture. The room is TINY.

I like the window.




Sorry for the bad picture quality.

it's hard.

I cry a lot these days. Goodbyes are so so difficult for me. If you want to learn how much your friends mean to you, leave them all behind.
I'm just hoping that all the freaking out I am doing is getting it out of my system before I leave.

I saw the new Charlie Kaufman movie today, Synecdoche, New York. Charlie boy does not disappoint! I feel like I need to watch it about one hundred more times to fully understand it though.


I leave Friday. Oh. My. God.

There's no good way to end this

Anyone can see
There's this great big you, and little old me
And we hold on for dear life

The light has been at the end of the tunnel all along. I was so close to it for so long, yet I continuously found comfort in the blind darkness. And that is something I will never understand.

Well, I guess I kind of have to eat some of my words from last entry. Some boys aren't so bad after all. Michigan was fun. :)

I've found that nothing breaks my heart more than a missed opportunity. Never getting the chance. Never making the chance. So from now on, I going to take some chances. Open some more doors. Make some mistakes. Have some fun. And stop falling into cycles of nothingness. I'm choosing to not be so fucking scared of everything I'm not comfortable with.

I can feel life so much. It's buzzing from the inside out.

Jens Lekman's music has been matching my mood lately. "Friday Night at the Drive-In Bingo" is choice.

we could have wild wild parties in that big old lodge and the windmill's perfect for movies and such
we could fake our deaths to get insurance money and take on hippie names
I'd be Snowphish, you'd be Sunny, we could start a little farm with little white bunnies
just cause watching them copulate is very funny

there's a cow and an ostrich just waiting for you!
a glass of apple cider just waiting for you!
the smell of 1952 just waiting for you!
and all I'm doing here is just waiting for you...

I'm going for it.