Thursday, November 27, 2008

My entire life, my family has told me that I am too judgmental. I dislike people, until given a reason to like someone. and even then, that doesn't necessarily mean I would like or respect a person. As a child, I would glare at strangers, and throw rude insults at people who loved me. I have changed a bit in my 20 years, but there are some things that will never change. I am, in some mild way, a misanthrope.
But I can understand why.
People are fucking morons.
Every last one of us.
Fucking morons.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I took after Trey and looked up my dream.


Stones may relate to issues of moral judgment and/or guilt.

To see rough stones in your dream, represents your quest in recognizing and developing your self-identity. Part of this quest is to become aware of your unconscious and suppressed thoughts.

Those kind of stood out to me. Then,


To see your legs in your dream, indicate that you have regained confidence to stand up and take control again. It also implies progress and your ability to navigate through life. If your legs are weak, then you may be feeling emotionally vulnerable.

To dream that you legs are wounded or crippled, signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand.

And last but not least,


To see or be bitten by a tick in your dream, suggests that a relationship or situation is sucking all the energy out of you. Ask yourself what in your life is causing you much exhaustion.

Freaky, huh? I would have to agree with most of those interpretations.

I'm finally letting go.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

What does it mean?

Last night I had two really strange dreams.
In the first, I was riding a horse that I had telepathic communication with. We rode through this beautiful green path, and we understood each other, but that's really all I can recall.

In the second dream, I had three ticks on my leg. I pulled the first two off, but the third looked like it's head was still in my leg. I squeezed the skin, and two stones popped out. Where they had been, my leg was carved out, hollow, and dead, almost like it was made of wood. It was a really disturbing dream, and I feel uneasy when I think about it.

I don't know what it means.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Funny, not 10 minutes after I wrote that, a friend that I often took for granted in the past called me, and came over. I just finished having one of the most brain-stimulating conversations I have ever had.
Ah, temporary peace at last.

"Welcome to Hell, Lauren. You finally understand."

Friday, November 7, 2008


I have walked through these past few months in a complete daze. Wake up. go to class. eat. nap. work. sleep. repeat. I need to be reprogrammed. It is as if I have to cut through thick fog to get to the source of any problem. I have not had intellectual interaction in so long that it disgusts me. The people I surround myself with have little to offer, besides beer and other party favors. Any semblance of real interaction is actually little more than drunken blandishments.
Why do we even bother pretending that we are doing anything with our lives?
I can't finish a thought. I can't find peace of mind, in any sense.
I have one source of sanity in this town, and it's only once a blue moon that I see her.

I'm in a funk.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I did it!

After months and months of waiting to hear back from the school in Amsterdam, I got my acceptance letter today. Hearing that news is what is going to give me the determination to finish this semester with at least an ounce of grace. I'm going to make it!
I started this blog so that anyone back home who is interested can know what I am doing abroad. Expect a lot of pictures!
But until then... I probably won't update.